I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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