I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
