wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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