I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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