I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
