the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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