Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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