I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize