I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
