Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
