eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
