youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
