apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
