I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize