You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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