Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
