this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
