i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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