worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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