we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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