I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
