rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
