Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize