he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
a search helicopter?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
