I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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