so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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