On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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