obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
