Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize