Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
