he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He passed out mid-signature
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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