Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i already hear my dad disowning me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
