i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
