Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its not stalking. its research.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
