I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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