Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
