this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize