At least make sure they are 18
Why
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
