I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
