I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
