My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
