If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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