Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Are we still banned from the library?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
