I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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