Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
