new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize