He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
