I just saw a hot homeless man
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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