Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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