Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
