I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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