How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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