I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
