explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize