I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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