I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
