This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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