I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
