sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
