Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
