Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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