id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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