It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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