just come out here and I will go home with you...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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