She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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