Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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