I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
