GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
