what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
