Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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