the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
