I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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