His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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