I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
