I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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