Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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