Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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