the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize