Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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