Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
