just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
pop tarts are not kleenex
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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